Ghosts of the Past
by YanksLuver
Summary: A special occasion is difficult for Sydney and she seeks comfort from Vaughn. This leads to a heart-to-heart about the parents they've lost.


Title: Ghosts of the Past  
  
Author: Steph (ILUVNYYANK@aol.com)  
  
Category: Angst/Drama  
  
Pairings: Sydney/Vaughn  
  
Summary: A special occasion is difficult for Sydney and she seeks comfort from Vaughn. This leads to a heart-to-heart about the parents they've lost.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Archive: Sure, just let me know where.  
  
Spoilers: This story includes spoilers from "The Confession" and "The Reckoning". And a little one from "The Box-Part 1".  
  
Disclaimer:Â  Alias and its characters do not belong to me.Â  I do this out of a love for the show and no infringement is intended.  
  
Note: Just a short little thing I couldn't get out of my head. Hope you enjoy! ~Steph  
  
  
  
* * *Ghosts of the Past 1/1* * *  
  
  
  
Sydney glanced up when Vaughn entered the warehouse and roughly wiped at the tears that were cascading down her cheeks.  
  
"I'm so sorry to call you. I-..."  
  
"You don't ever have to apologize for needing to talk, Sydney," he replied sincerely, cutting her off.  
  
She offered him a warm smile that didn't quite reach her glassy eyes. She bowed her head as she began, "It's just...today would have been my mother's birthday."  
  
Vaughn's eyes were focused on her as he listened intently.  
  
"I don't know how to feel. Every year for as long as I can remember, I've visited her grave on her birthday and left flowers. But this year...God, so much has changed."  
  
She lifted her eyes to meet his, as if silently pleading with him to turn back the hands of time...To make it so she could love and miss her mother again, like she had for all of those years.  
  
The hardest part of all was that she did still miss her mother. She couldn't help it. For nearly twenty years, she had treasured every fragment of memory and every shred of her mother's belongings.  
  
She had placed her on a pedestal. She had never expected her to fall from it and splinter into a million pieces.  
  
And now she had to try to understand and accept what she was being told about the mother she had once adored.  
  
She was a traitor. A liar. A murderer.  
  
Yet it was difficult to accept her mother as anything but the kind, caring woman she remembered and, in some ways, created.  
  
It seemed like she was being told a story about a despicable character...The kind of person who could only be fictional because her actions were impossible to fathom.  
  
Sydney's eyes were still focused on Vaughn as she asked her question softly, a subtle hopefulness underlying her tone that made her voice seem almost childlike.  
  
"Do you think she ever really loved me, Vaughn?"  
  
"Sydney-..."  
  
"No...I know...I know what my father said, I know what he believed. He believed that my mother married him as a ruse, that she started a family as a ruse. But...but once she saw me, once she held me in her arms...How could she not love me? How could she not feel anything for her own daughter?"  
  
Her eyes pierced his, begging for answers. He lowered his eyes and spoke softly, "I don't know, Sydney. I'm not sure it's possible for us to try to understand how your mother felt."  
  
Sydney's face fell and she averted her eyes. "So it really was all a lie. Every word she ever said to me, every hug, every kiss, every smile. It was all just a big lie, one part of a web of deceit she'd begun spinning long before I was born."  
  
Vaughn sighed heavily. "I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. I wish I could tell you that there was a part of your mother that loved you and that meant every word she ever said to you. I wish I could tell you that you were the only part of your mother's life that was real and true and right. But I can't, Sydney. No one can."  
  
More tears threatened to spill from her eyes, as she looked at him. Her voice was soft and broken as she spoke, "So where does that leave me, Vaughn? What I believed about my mother was a part of who I am. It was one of the few things in my life that I trusted and had faith in. Whenever I felt lost, like I was losing myself, I would think of her and remember that she was good and caring. And that would make me feel better because I knew that a part of her was in me. So, I need to know, Vaughn, where does that leave me?"  
  
Vaughn took a step forward and captured her eyes with his. He spoke confidently and sincerely, "You're the same woman you've always been, Sydney. The truth about your mother can't change that. You're still strong and smart and caring. You're still the woman who lays her life on the line day in and day out to help make this world a safer place. You're still the woman who would go to the ends of the earth for her friends. You're the same person, Sydney. That's just who you are."  
  
Sydney looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, willing herself to believe his words. It would take time, but she realized that someday she would believe the same thing he did.  
  
There were a few moments of silence before she said, "Tell me about your father."  
  
He raised his brow, surprised by the question. But he quickly recovered and shook his head, his eyes now planted to the ground, "Don't do this to yourself, Sydney."  
  
"I'd like to know about him," she replied.  
  
He slowly raised his eyes to meet hers and let out a soft sigh. "He loved hockey. The Kings. That's where I get it from."  
  
Sydney smiled slightly, as he continued, a faraway look now in his eyes. "He had me in skates before I could walk. My Mom used to tell him that it was ridiculous to put skates on a kid who couldn't even walk, but he insisted that I was a natural." Vaughn allowed himself a small smile at the memory.  
  
"He liked steak. It was his favorite meal. Anytime we went out to eat, he'd order steak. And he liked it really well done. He'd tell the waitress, 'well done, burn it if you have to'." Vaughn found himself chucking softly, as he recalled the pieces of leather his father called steak.  
  
Sydney smiled at him, but did not interrupt.  
  
Vaughn's face quickly turned serious and his smile faded. "I remember how strong and brave he was. I didn't really know what he did for a living, but I knew that he was making a difference in the world and that made me so proud to call him my father."  
  
He paused and ran a hand over his mouth before continuing, "And I remember the only time I ever saw my father cry. I must have been about six and he had just returned from a 'business trip'. He had come home late that night, but I had stayed up and waited for him. I was so excited to see him. I'd lost one of my front teeth and I couldn't wait to show him."  
  
Sydney's lips curled into a small smile, as she pictured a gap- toothed little Vaughn.  
  
The image soon faded away, however, as he continued, "He didn't know I was there. He and my mother were in the kitchen and I was standing in the shadows of the doorway, out of sight. But I could see him. He was crying. And I heard him. He told my mother that a young family of five had been killed that day and it was his fault. Something had gone wrong. I could sense that this was something he shouldn't be telling my mother, but that he couldn't help himself."  
  
He stopped and swallowed around a lump in his throat before going on, "And that was the day I realized my father had a job that could penetrate the strong and brave exterior that I had grown so accustomed to. For the first time, I saw my father as a human, not a hero."  
  
Sydney's mouth hung slightly open, stunned by his honesty. Vaughn had never dared to open up to her this much. She was seeing a new side of him...A vulnerable side that he'd fought so hard to hide.  
  
She was about to speak, but he beat her to it. "It was that experience that shaped me as an agent and handler. It helped me remember what is most important...That, first and foremost, we are dealing with people...Not names on a sheet, another statistic on a long list of statistics. The people we are trying to protect have families and friends and jobs. They have lives, just like the rest of us. And the people I handle are no different. I vowed long ago to never allow myself to become buried in bureaucratic crap and lose sight of that...To never let politics overshadow what is truly important." He paused and then added in a barely audible whisper, "I learned that from my father the only time I ever saw him cry."  
  
Sydney's eyes were now filled to the brim with stinging tears.  
  
She just couldn't believe that her mother was responsible for robbing Vaughn of such a wonderful father.  
  
She couldn't believe that her mother was responsible for robbing his father of the chance to see Vaughn grow into such an amazing man.  
  
Sydney forced her eyes to meet his, admiration now shining through the tears.  
  
She spoke softly, "He sounds like he was a wonderful man."  
  
"He was," Vaughn replied in a voice just above a whisper.  
  
"And I know he would have been proud of the man you've become," she said with a comforting smile.  
  
He returned her smile, gratitude sparkling in his eyes.  
  
They stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, before Sydney finally broke the silence. "Well, I guess I should be getting home."  
  
Vaughn nodded, "Yeah, me too. Goodnight, Sydney."  
  
"Goodnight," she replied.  
  
He turned on his heel to leave, but stopped when he heard her voice.  
  
"Vaughn?"  
  
He turned back around to face her. "Yeah?"  
  
"Thank you," she said quietly, her mouth forming the slightest of smiles.  
  
His lips moved into a crooked smile as he replied in a low voice, "No, thank you. No one's ever asked me about my father before and really cared to hear the answer."  
  
They exchanged one last lingering look before Vaughn exited the warehouse.  
  
Sydney just stood there, rooted to her spot.  
  
She always felt better after talking to Vaughn. He made her see the positive side of things.  
  
He could show her the silver lining when she could see nothing more than a dark cloud of despair.  
  
He knew how to lift her spirits and she knew they sank a little every time they said goodbye.  
  
And, it was in that moment that she realized he took a piece of her with him every time he left.  
  
********************************THE END******************************  
  
Thanks for reading and hoped you enjoyed it! Please let me know what you thought. ~Steph 


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